In 4 days my little baby boy is going to be an entire year old. I didn't really think it would be a big deal to me because he just seems so big already, and I have another little on on the way to fill that sad place I have had for a tiny baby. But I'm almost heartbroken over it! I don't want my little baby to get older. He's already walking on his own, helping me put his clothes on, really close to actual words when he talks. He feeds himself and has no trouble putting himself to sleep. Soon he won't need me! And then Abi will be getting older too and pretty soon she won't need me! Then what will I do?=(
This year with his has been amazing though. I never realized just how much you could love one tiny little person. I used to just sit and stare at him while he slept. I wanted to hold him every minute of the day. I've enjoyed being his mother so much in this last year and I really am looking forward to being by his side through everything. He's an incredible person. He's got this huge personality, he's friendly and cuddly. He loves to play games and dance to music and read books. He knows what he likes and what he doesn't and can be very stubborn on that point sometimes. But I just am amazed everyday by him. It is a rare moment that I am with him or Malcolm that I am not smiling. I'm a very blessed momma to have the boys that I do.
I am also very blessed to have the opportunity to have a daughter also. Doctors told me that it just wasn't going to happen. That having Collier had put too much strain on me and caused too much damage. And I was so shocked to find out so soon after having Collier that I would be having another one. I was so sad that Collier would be so little still when we had another baby. I didn't want him to miss out on anything because of a new baby and because of me being pregnant and tired. But now that its getting closer and closer to time, I feel like superwoman! And it is an incredible feeling as a mother to know that you are bringing a daughter into this world. I was so happy when I found out that I was afraid to believe it at first. I'm so glad its true though. Of course, this pregnancy is not going at all how I wanted it to, I just have to endure a few more weeks of this to get to hold my baby daughter. And there is nothing better to me than bringing a life into this world!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Well first of all my day started out horrible. I get a phone call from Malcolms school at 8am, and I won't go into detail, but I was completely PISSED. OMG! So I get out of bed after that amazing conversation and Jay is about to lose it he's so upset, and I go to get Collier out of bed. We have a really good time together. He danced around the kitchen while I made pancakes, and then he ate a giant pancake the size of my face! I layed him down and cleaned up and finally got my shower in for the day, which was the most relaxed I have been all day by the way! So I get to the doctor and I go in for my ultrasound. The woman spends forever before she will say anything, and then all she does is ask me what I'm drinking? And I'm thinking, "Obviously lady, if I have known about having low fluid for weeks now, I am drowning myself in water!" But I was nice and sweet because its not her fault I am having a bad day. So then I find out that my fluid level has gone down almost 3cm since I was there last tuesday! WTF! And no one can tell me any reason why it's happening. I'm freaking out. And Dr. Shockley is a great doctor, but I'm starting to worry about my baby and why he isn't trying to do anything. But then after all that in one day I have to come to work. And I find out my sister is in the hospital with a kidney stone, so I'll be staying over once again in the morning! UGH! I just need a mini vacation I think. And unfortunately that will not be happening until I have Abi and I spend two days in the hospital. Hah!